A friend of mine recently told me that she prefers masturbating to having actual sex. When I told her that she’d probably have more luck if she used internet dating sites, she still said that masturbation is easier, cheaper, and has no drama attached. I guess in many ways she’s right, but in response to her, here are my reasons why sex with other people is better than masturbation:

1. Kleenex can’t swallow.

2. You can’t dress your hand up like Wonder Woman.

3. Lube just isn’t the same as natural juices. Especially the taste.

4. You don’t want someone to walk in on you masturbating. But if someone walks in on you having sex, there’s the possibility it might turn into a threesome.

5. You can’t handcuff your vagina to the headboard. And if you can, Wow!

6. Dirty sanchezing yourself is just wrong.

7. You’ll break your back trying to deepthroat yourself.

8. It’s just not the same if the toe you’re sucking is your own.

9. Screaming, “Who’s your daddy?!” at yourself will just worry your pets.

10. One word: 69.

Sure, masturbation has its benefits too. I know this. I love masturbation. But if you have the choice, go for the real thing. Make a connection. Make someone’s head explode with passion.

Have fun!