I looked over my last few blog entries, and while I think my suggestions for places to have sex were good, the list is incomplete. Why? Nothing spectacular. Sure, all the places I suggested are good for spicing up your internet dating sexlife, but what if you have a week to live, and really want to go out with a bang. A hard bang.

So, these are two advanced scenarios you can organize if you’ve won the lotto, or have a week to live because the mafia is after you, or because life is too short to spend it not fucking a woman as you plummet towards earth at 120 mph.

1. Freefall Ballsdeep

This one will take a lot training and a large budget. As you can surmise, I am suggesting skydiving with a woman, and banging her brains out as you freefall. This one will mean lots of lube pre-applied – god knows all that wind will dry shit up. Also, I suggest you do her from behind, with both your limbs outstretched, to maximize your freefall time. Pull your chute after you’re done, but make sure you’ve pulled out first. Don’t want any accidents. Remember safety first! On second thought, maybe this one is too dangerous. Forget this one. Try this:

2. George Lucas Hockey Nerdgasm

If you’re like me, you grew up loving Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and hockey. Why not combine them into a fuckfest night to remember?! First, rent out the local ice rink for the night. Get into a stormtrooper costume. Dress the night’s conquest in a Indiana Jone’s costume (whip is most important – s&m). She’s in net – you’re trying to score. Basically ends with frozen asses and memories for a lifetime.

I want to make a “Kingdom of the Crystal Skullfuck” joke, but I’m going to restrain myself.

Have fun and be safe!